Atheist Coming Out Party!!!

My girlfriend Shelley recently came out of the Atheist closet to the world, including members of her family, friends and co-workers. I am proud of her for many reasons, one being that she sent out e-mails to family members detailing her journey and what she discovered along the way. She also made an official announcement on the Facebook. Secondly, I am proud of her for coming out at all. Many people without faith remain in the closet about their beliefs because there can be real life repercussions to being an out and open Atheist. However there has been a recent movement in the Atheist community with billboards and bus ads letting people know that they are not alone in their disbelief. As a result many people have been bravely stepping outside their closets and finding that it's not so bad out in the open air. For this reason as well as a few more Shelley made her announcement to the world and I think that's pretty swell to say the least.

Shelley was kind enough to share with me the many responses she got to her coming out and I noticed a similar trend that I also experienced when coming out. One crowd was totally behind her, however there was another crowd that gave two lines of negative responses.

The first was the "Have you considered ______?" This response seems as if some people can't possibly imagine what a life without a god would entail. They think that we will be lost without SOME sort of spiritual system guiding us even though we have outright told them that we are happy if not excited about our discoveries. They then offer us some small sect of a religion (or a larger one) to reconsider or for that matter some set of woo woo beliefs which have no more evidence in favor of them than religions do. Shelley was recently offered Buddhism. I have been offered various forms of deism and astrology among other woo woo alternatives.

The second response actually offends me a little. It is the "This is just a phase/stop on the journey" response. It's a way of calling us immature, dumb, unenlightened. It assumes that we'll be back, that we'll come to our senses one day and realize that god exists (their god in particular). This response may be the result of poor listening skills. Atheism for us is not a stop in the journey. It might just be the destination. That response treats atheism like a it's just a fad. Big jeans were a fad. Talking like Napoleon Dynamite was a fad. Tights-as-pants were/are a fad (trust me...tights are not pants). My atheism has taken years of study and thought to cultivate. It is a lifestyle, not a fad.

Shelley heard the "You can always return to Christianity when you're ready" response from a few people after she came out. And my own parents, the most liberal awesome parents ever, have said to me upon occasion, "You were born a Jew and you will die a Jew" as well as "Judaism will be here when you're ready for it." On the first point they're kind of right. I will always be a cultural jew. I will always retain a part of that culture (mostly the food) in my life but I have no place in my life for a god that I don't believe in and a set of laws that are outdated (and in many cases plain wrong). On the second point...I give a third finger salute. To an extent my parents believe that they have failed me when I talk of my Atheism and I have to remind them that Jews fought for millenia for their right to believe what they want to believe. This includes not believing and I am thankful for the opportunity to make that decision on my own.

This post is not telling people to shut up. I don't have the right to NOT be offended. I fortunately live in the country where I DO have the right to believe or not believe what I want (so long as I don't physically hurt people because of those beliefs) and to express those beliefs no matter how offensive they may be. That includes me being offended by your beliefs. In the end Atheism is just another idea on the marketplace of ideas. Neither Atheism or Theism deserves any special privileges in the marketplace. Nor do my politics, my hairdo, or my tattoos. I'm realizing now that this post is actually about WHY these kind of responses are ultimately unsuccessful. To be more specific...

Response #1 ("Have you considered _____?") doesn't work because, yes, we have in fact considered many options (outside of what we were indoctrinated with as children) and we're not necessarily going to be willing to delve into one more of the many possible religions and sects and woo woo beliefs that abound. This is especially true if you can't provide solid evidence based on scientific standards. Theists around the world have discounted thousands of gods and goddesses without the bat of an eyelash. We just believe in one less god than you do...AND we have given it a lot of thought. Daily thought. And discussion. And study.

Response #2 ("This is just a phase/stop on the journey) doesn't work because not only are you calling us stupid but once again you're also not backing it up with anything. You can call me an idiot all you want but if you can't back it up with solid evidence for why my idea is wrong (and I'm not talking about anecdotal, "I was an Atheist and then I found _____" arguments) then your argument will have the effect of merely alienating your audience.

So in the end Theists can still use these tactics when someone comes out of the closet about their Atheism. They will most likely not work, but fire away. I'm sure that I will be having these conversations until the day I die and I welcome that. Finding out what is actually true about the world is extremely important to me and it is through study, experimentation, conversation and debate that we will find the truth. In the meantime I'm going to open up one of the tiny champagne bottles in the back of my refrigerator and give a toast to the girl that I love.

And Now For Some Video Infotainment

I've seen this guy posted elsewhere on the web and figured I'd jump on the bandwagon. Enjoy.

On Getting Shit Done or Let's Start a Band...TODAY

While I was in Japan during December I acquired a Daruma doll. They're basically these scary mustachioed heads with no arms or legs and pupil-less eyes. You fill in one of the pupils while thinking of a wish or task you want to accomplish. When or if that goal is attained you can fill in the second eye. At the end of the year all Daruma dolls are burned and you get to start anew. They're basically 3-d "To Do" lists with one item per list.

What goal did I focus on while filling in the right eye of my Daruma doll? I'll tell you. Now shut up and listen.

Since 2005 I have been wanting to create an improvised rock band. A band that plays an entire concert of music based on audience suggestions. I'm talking chord progressions, lyrics, harmonies, hip shaking etc. I'm not talking about a jam band like Phish. Even they have written songs that they improvise around. I'm talking about rock songs from scratch starting with a word from the audience. In my mind it was a perfect way to combine all the things that I love. I have never been very good at distilling what I do down to one art form and creating this band was a way to fulfill a ton of desires in one fell swoop.

However, it's 2009. That is a long time to be thinking about a project and not doing anything about it, I know. Before now I didn't quite have the tools to take this project on in a confident manner. However, in 2008 I began training at the Musical Improv Conservatory at the Second City in an effort to start closing those gaps of knowledge. There I gained a ton of tools to add to my belt as well as meeting a bunch of talented fuckers to boot. The Musical Improv program at Second City was honestly some of the best improv education I have ever had...ever.

As the new year approached and I saw that in February I would have a potentially large window of free time open up I decided that it was time to start a fucking band. With the help of Natasha I picked myself out a Daruma doll and when I got back to the states I filled in that first eye. As Touch, the play that I was working on, came to a close I invited Missy Moreno and Israel Pederson to join the band. They are two fellow students from the Musical Improv program and both of them are not only talented but they're also just good people. Thankfully they were both about as excited about the project as I was and they both joined up. A few weeks later we added Erica Elam into the fold as our director and soon after held auditions where we found Aaron Rice.

We are currently a 4 member band. Instruments currently in our arsenal are guitar, bass, accordion, keys/synth, percussion, sax and 4 part vocal harmony. I hope to add more instruments as time goes on. I've got a ukeleelee collecting dust in my living room that is itching to join the band.

We have been rehearsing for several months now and have had a few public performances which are all leading up to...our first run of shows!!! We have a 5 week run of performances coming up in July at the Viaduct Theatre here in Chicago. We will perform every Thursday night at 10 p.m. with (hopefully) a different opening group each night. Tickets are $10 and can be bought in person or online at http://www.viaducttheatre.com/. Needless to say I am stoked. We have postcards, posters, press releases, websites, facebook pages, and twitter accounts all geared towards spreading the word.

No, I have not filled in that other eye yet. It still stares blankly at me reminding me that my job is not nearly done yet. Once this first run of shows ends I think I'll be able to fill it in but then this Daruma doll will be replaced by another one with another goal for this band. Agents? Tours? CDs? T-shirts? I'm not sure yet. But I'm filled with hope and riddled with "to do" lists.

By the way, we have a name. We are RESET LIST.

A Confession

I'm 27 years old and I just did the pee-pee dance.

Go me!

Armchair Skeptic

As I have become more and more scientifically and skeptically minded over the years a common question has come up in my head. "What the hell can I do about it?" At times I feel a little paralyzed aside form foraging through the atheist/science blogosphere in an effort to educate myself and talking with my friends about my what I have learned. I do a lot of reading, a lot of listening to Radio Lab and a LOT of talking. However I still don't feel like I'm doing enough. For that matter I don't feel like I know enough. Like most college grads will tell you, my education has really served to teach me how little I do, in fact, know. And I'm not sure what I can actually do with what I have integrated into my long term memory.

A few options have reared their heads in my mind in the past few months like a case of fetus in fetu.

1. Become a psychological research assistant. I'm not sure if I'll need some sort of science degree to do this though.

2. Go back to school and get a degree in something ( i.e. biology, neuroscience, psychology, sociology) and then do something with that degree...like putting it in a picture frame.

3. Start a newspaper column to compete with the Astrology column. I'll name it, "Real Advice: Because Making Your Own Decisions is Hard and Astrology is Bullshit" and put such gems in it as...

• Brunettes - give a stranger a hug today. I dare you.
• Pennsylvanians - A homeless person will ask you for money today. Give them more than you should.
• Mike from Ohio - Your girlfriend is sleeping with your buddies. Get a paternity test.
• People who wait in lines outside of bars - You're wasting half your night standing in a line. Find another bar. You can get drunk and find people to populate your bed anywhere.
• Moms - Tell your kids something that your mom would never tell you.

4. Get a job teaching biology or sex-ed (see #2).

5. Write a play.

There are others but they have slipped my mind. Regardless, in my internet browsing the other day I can across this and it made my heart skip a beat. It's a big ass mother pdf called "What Do I Do Next? Leading Skeptics Discuss 105 Practical Ways to Promote Science and Advance Skepticism" and it is exactly that. This pdf will get a thorough reading and highlighting and maybe, just maybe, I'll do something.

On Being Open Minded

I thought this was swell.

From QualiaSoup

Things Japan Can Keep

This is the first of hopefully many posts to the tune of "Things ______ can keep (for itself)." Standing shoeless in the living room of my blog with ticket #1 one in it's hand is Japan...the country. I just got back from a two week vacation there visiting my best friend and I had an incredible time. You name it, there is a chance we probably didn't have time to do it. Even with 12 days there we spent most of our time in Tokyo and the cities surrounding it. I have 600 pictures documenting the experience. There were so many things I loved about Japanese culture, but then again there are the things that made me cringe with un-delight.

Japan, here is a list of things you can keep.

1. Your pretty man/boys - Japan, what's the deal. The men that your culture considers beautiful all look like women. Their hair comes down to their chins and they usually apply a generous amount of pomade to it in order to sport some spikes. They are waif thin and often wear makeup, what I would be consider Japanese hipster clothes, and women's wallets in their back pockets. You know the ones I'm talking about. The wallets that are basically 8 inches long and can hold a file cabinet's worth of information. In the states they would be pick pocketed faster than you could read the bible.

2. Hostess Bars - In the states we have strip clubs and Hooters. Places we can go to get the girlfriend treatment (as well as some nudity) and not leave in debt. Well, you can spend an arm and a leg at a strip club but it's not the rule. Hooter's is basically great food which is accompanied with a side of girlfriend treatment. It's a game that both you and your waitress know you're playing but it's still a fun game to play. In Japan they have hostess bars where you basically pay for companionship. You pay women a shit load of money for their company and might end up paying upwards of $1000 for a glass of champagne. No sex involved. It's like a legal escort service where you don't really go anywhere. You get some chatting and some booze and the feeling that maybe one day you'll get your bone smooched. If I were my girlfriend I would remind myself that it serves a function in society and for the individuals who use the services of the Hostess bars. There are a lot of lonely people in Japan. There are a lot of lonely people everywhere. Still, Japan, you can keep your hostess bars.

3. Japanese Porn - Japan has obscenity laws dating back all the way to 1907 that prohibit the distribution of obscene materials. For the porn industry that means that they can't show any genitalia or pubic hair. Those who do not comply can be fined or imprisoned. So you can sell magazines and videos of people fucking but their crotches have to be blacked or blurred out. You can depict any position or fetish, but for some reason you can't get a clear close up of a vagina. Pretty much, only the editors of Japanese porn are the only ones who get to watch it in its full glory. Maybe the directors and actors and crew as well but you get my point. Even in Manga porn (comic book porn) you can't get the whole picture. You get more, but not the whole shabang shaboom. Now I saw some of this stuff first hand at a 7 story sex toy store in Akihabara as well as in the Manga porn that Natasha bought me for Christmas and I was aghast. They took away exactly what I wanted to see. I can't (read "I don't want to...at all...ever") get off on looking at boobies alone. Maybe when I was 13 I could. But now I want to see vagina. And I want to see things going in and out of those vaginas. So Japan, you can keep your porn.

4. Cell Phone Key Chains - Japan is home to every accessory imaginable. Everyone accessorizes. Claire's is huge in Japan. However people go so far as to turn their phones into veritable paper weights in the name of individualizing. Most phones have a little loop on them for a key chain. However in Japan one key chain is often not enough. People load up their phones to the point where their key chains weigh more than the phones they are attached to. Bushels of trinkets adorn their communication devices like peacock tails. I saw one guy with a waffle attached to his phone. It was hilarious and now kind of reminds me of the rope of key chains that I used to attach to the zipper of my Jnco Jeans in middle school. Man, those were the days. Once again, don't stop doing what you're doing. Just keep it for yourself.

5. Thank You and Excuse Me - People in Japan are polite. They are super polite. It's awesome, but it's almost too much. Upon leaving a restaurant once I was thanked 6 times in quick succession by the same person. Yes, it gave me plenty of chances to practice saying "Domo arigato", but it was a bit overkill. I felt like the words lost their effect after the third iteration. And I never got to see it but I heard they have virtual bowing wars where two people basically keep out-bowing each other until they're on the floor. Once is enough, folks.

The Japanese equivalent for "Excuse me" is "Su ma sen." It was one phrase that came in handy in Japan because I am a loud American with a giant backpack. I bump into things. I get in people's way. I walk on the wrong side of the sidewalk. For these and many other reasons "Su ma sen" came in handy on a daily basis while in Japan. However, I learned when I came home that the literal translation of "Su ma sen" is "I don't exist." It's not too too much worse than "Excuse me" or "Pardon me" but it's still pretty bad. Even in English we ask for forgiveness for bumping into people accidentally as if we raped their personal space. The Japanese have simply taken it a step further and said, "I'm not even here. I'm not a real person. Ignore me. Please." I have personally taken to the traditional Gottlieb response of "Hup!" It recognizes that we have accidentally made contact (or almost bumped into each other) but it places no blame and asks for no forgiveness. Please note: "Hup" does not work for "I gotta squeeze by you" situations. That would probably just freak out/piss off whoever you were trying get by and you might start a "Hup" war which can only end in tragedy.

6. Thin Walls, Thin Beds, and Love Hotels - I can really get these three down in one fell swoop. The walls in Japanese houses are thin. They don't have good insulation to keep out the cold or the voices of your next door neighbor. Which makes sex problematic. And since most people sleep on thin mats the vibrations caused by humping (let's call them "Hump waves") also travel to your neighbors. And though I never tried it, I'm assuming that the mats aren't that conducive to sex either. They limit your positions and comfort. And since people don't like to disturb the peace in Japan many people wind up at...LOVE HOTELS. At a love hotel you rent a room for an hour or so, go in with your wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, mistress etc. and make all the loud whoopie you could ever want. There are tons of babies in Japan so I can only assume that these love hotels are used all the time. They actually serve a great purpose I have to admit. Space is limited in Japan. They've got bajillions of people living on a tiny island (an actual census figure) so privacy is limited. And the interior doors of houses are basically made out of paper so if you have kids, finding time and space to make more is hard if you have to do it in your own home. This is where the love hotels come into play.

Hmmmm...they really do serve a great purpose. Love hotels are quite functional. And we Americans also rent out hotel rooms to make hump waves ourselves. So...let's bring over love hotels and let Japan keep its thin walls and beds. Unless you have a bad back, of course. Then sleeping on a thin mat on the floor might be of use. OK, let's bring over the love hotels and thin beds and leave the thin walls to the Japanese. WAIT. Thin walls are good for stunt doubles and professional wrestlers. FUCKITY FUCK.

That's my list for now.